A Glimpse Into My Sometimes F*cked Up Creative Process

Had a rant last night to a friend about feeling frustrated and hopeless about marketing.

Here yet again.

(Someday I may write a post explaining my experience with marketing. But for basic context there seems to be no correlation between my marketing efforts and the number of new participants for my retreats and online programs. People come in waves. And if anything the waves seem to be bigger when I don't market. And yet I want to grow my business and impact. Marketing is one of my blind spots and makes me spaz out.)

This morning when I woke I felt the anger.

Similar to the anger I felt which spurred me on to run my first ever retreat back in 2010!

So that was a cool association!

This is the area of my life where I feel the most disempowered. The most like a victim. The most like a broken record. The most ashamed.

F*ck.

We all have our things, hey?

Listened to a 2.5 hour interview between Joe Rogan and Elon Musk yesterday. Interesting.

Musk talking about wanting to be useful to people and that being a hard thing to do.

I want to be useful to people.

He also talked about his vision of humans living on more than one planet. That's what drives him.

"Take the actions that are most likely to make the future better."

Just awesome! And he's got Tesla to try to clean up our home planet. Wow.

He said that most people wouldn't like being him.

Maybe most people wouldn't like being me?

Maybe most people wouldn't like being you?

rick, so what DO you want?

i want... um... I want people signing up for my retreats and online program. People who want and need it, who are just perfect for the experience and will have a massive awakening and life change. i want to feel good about myself, inspired, productive, creative. i want to live in a beach front home so i can get the best waves possible, the most exercise, and have the most creative focus possible. i want my business to work. i want the revenue and my income to be reliable. i want to have other people solving the problems and creating the systems that frustrate me. i want to create what i love creating. i want to have a clear energizing mission for my life and a clear energizing project to work on. i want to enjoy being a great father. i want to follow inspiration, joy and fulfillment. i want to live in the flow, i want to co-create with the Great Flow. i want to feel my Guidance, my connection, the support from Life and all Beings who care about my work. i want VysionQuest to be one of the top personal and professional growth programs - and spiritual experiences - on the planet. i want to have a marketing system that works. i want it to take very little time and energy. i want to know what this system is and what to do next to find out. i want to be open to a complete change of my experience with marketing and money. i want to know i'm earning more money than i will ever be able to spend. i want to trust life. i want to have complete faith and enjoy the journey. it's about the journey - i want to live this. i want to be powerful. i want to create life-changing art. i want my messages to be so pure that they cannot be my messages, they must be from somewhere else. Or maybe they are a combination of my messages and Your messages.

This feels like a waste of time. i feel like a loser. i feel hopeless. i feel like a failure. i want to hide. i want to disappear. i want to stop.

i want help from Life. i want to wake up inside this dream!

What if that was my mission?

i want to help people wake up inside the dream, while they are in the dream, here, now.

Wake up inside the dream of Life.

Don't take the "bad" things so seriously.

Put the power to create back into your hands.

Experience the magic in you and in Life.

Help wake others up.

Dream on purpose.

So really, could that be the mission?

Whoa, the reason I love a clear purpose and vision is because that informs everything on the journey.

For example, i will be creating things — books, posts, videos, lesson rewrites, documentary, etc... — and the purpose determines the content.

Am i BEING awake in the dream?

Am i caught in the nightmare?

Am i making the decisions alone or is Big I guiding?

How can i market soulfully?

i: i think it would be confusing and maybe cheesy, like copying something that's been done before.

I: As you wish.

i: Right. Okay, what if it's great and what if it feels amazing and what if it works? What if that perspective helps people?

I: Does it help you?

i: Yes, it helps energy and ideas flow.

I: Do it more and see what happens.

Is it changing which i you identify with? Changing which is REALLY you?

If you identify with i what happens?

If you identify with I what happens?

How to relate i and I to Surf Life?

How does your purpose phrase relate to being awake inside the dream?

How to present the idea of life being more like a dream than reality?

Is there some scientific stuff i should share with people in the book?

It's really powerful to hear a scientific explanation of why life is more like a dream than a "reality".

1) The use of i and I voices in my writing.

2) The mission of my life and VysionQuest.

(Praise to Alchemistress music mixes on Soundcloud!!! Perfect for my writing/creating.)

This clarity also reinforces the 3 phases of VysionQuest:

- Wake up to your purpose and vision.
- Wake up to the small choices you make every day that build your dreams.
- Wake up to the magical Great Flow of Life.

Possibly just off target.

Possibly playing too small, too reasonable, aiming too low.

When in reality it's a spiritual awakening life-changing experience.

What if whatever needs to change changes and my marketing starts to really flow and new participants start to really flow?

Whatever i need to understand, whatever needs to change in focus or action, whatever time needs to pass, i ask You to make this happen... inside me, outside me.

i am asking.

Thank you.

Sharing this kind of writing - my personal thoughts, fears, desires - is outside of my comfort zone.

But i love it when i read someone's story or autobiography and they are open and show how human they are, how they have struggled, how they continue to struggle.

It's beautiful. It's inspiring.

i've always been very private about my inner world. Just ask my parents.

Maybe that's kept me distanced from you.

Maybe that's clogged up the flow in terms of spreading my life's message and giving VysionQuest to the world. And receiving the abundance that that will naturally bring.

i have immeasurable faith that the VysionQuest process is destined to touch millions of lives and probably yours.

So it's this weird paradox...

To connect with our Spirits we must allow ourselves to become more human.

i'm willing to try new things and new ways of being.

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